This past unit has frustrated me. I know that as a future educator and a person who is genuinely concerned about the future of our nation's youth, I should be taking active steps to learn about and change the enormous inequalities of our education system. I mean, it's practically impossible to read all of these books and articles and not feel a mixture of anger and sadness at the apartheid that still plagues America's schools. But...part of me wants to just throw up my hands and say, "I'm done." Not done with pursuing teaching of course, but with trying to find solutions to these problems. As I try to examine the situation from the eyes of myself as a first-year teacher in a year and a half, with a heinous amount of debt accrued over my four years of midwestern liberal arts education, I can't imagine myself trying to make a difference. Not right away, anyway. I mean, I'll be the first person to admit there is no way I am prepared to teach in an inner city school where I am in the minority. We've been reading and talking about how there is a serious lack of qualified teachers in these schools, and well, I guess when I think about that on a personal level, it makes a lot of sense to me. And, to be completely honest, it's overwhelmed me to the point where I feel like settling down in a nice suburb, where the property taxes may be high but the schools are good might be just what I feel like doing. I don't want to exhaust myself in a teaching situation like the ones we've been reading about during my first years as a teacher. And, as a future music teacher, I especially don't want to be teaching in a district where arts funding is so low that my students don't even have access to instruments.
Maybe when I'm an experienced teacher, with a settled home life and less debt, I will be able to give back by teaching in a more difficult position. But right now, I know I'm not ready for that step yet, and reading about the injustices put upon so many American students just makes me feel guilty for not wanting to jump right in and help them as soon as possible.
The title of your blog caught my attention right away! I am feeling the same way you are right now. I know that in order to learn about the problems of the US school system, we are going to have to read some very passionate/angry articles, because the problems make people angry. It has been a very heavy load of angry articles, with little solutions. I also am just worried about staying afloat during my first years of teaching, and care little about being the superhero the school system needs. Hang in there! Someday, we will save the schools....just not today.
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